You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
