ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
