Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
