My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
