My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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