this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
