guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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