I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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