Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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