Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize