you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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