youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
