Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
