I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
