So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
