You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
