those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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