So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
