The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
