I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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