You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
