We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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