tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
