i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
