So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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