you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
