Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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