turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
