no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
