Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
