look no pants
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize