remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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