I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
