From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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