That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
