You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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