I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
