I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
