sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize