he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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