Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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