Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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