I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
