....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
