I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
