He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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