Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
