i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
