I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
