My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sober January is a disaster.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
