Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
