So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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