two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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