Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
