my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
