i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
