Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
