We're facebook friends in real life
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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