U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
