So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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