I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
