my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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