So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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