My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
