please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
