matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize