can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
