Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
