no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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