the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
