Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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