You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
