Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
