Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He called his prostate his "boner button".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
