Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
