also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
