Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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