I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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