Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize