Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
