I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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