2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
