Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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