Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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