umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
