loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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