you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
