I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
