He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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