I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you had me at cake vodka
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
