I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
