oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
