When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
