I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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