my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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